P Hops's Blog

ohh want i really wanna know

phops — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 23:31:26 +0000

Typical tuesday.at local bar onthenewely builtdecklistentoa local band,16+ lil boysplaying. Surprisly very well. Ending weezer, sayit aint so and know on to a sumblime song. I’m having fun. Rum runners yeahssss.

security blanket

phops — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 16:58:03 +0000

Talking about traveling to a friend..he said but why?stick around here. Keep your job its steady, urmaking money. I’m likeyeah. True but in effin 5 years is themoneyin the bankgoing tobe worth my wasted life.

phops — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 04:48:54 +0000

Alittle hurt, alittle re leaved..I said goodbye I guess I’m happy I didn’t. Ill leavemyheart and words at that. Pray to say hi again..

phops — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 04:46:47 +0000

Sooo many things in my head right now. Mostly being upset at myself. I wish I never ruined my life with all my nonsense.. But really I don’t regret things. I regret I haven’t formed better bonds. Bonds withgoals to myself, family, friends. I was always one of guys and never trusted women and now I found myself with all guy friends and only a few girlfriend..which I love them so I don’t care. Being real that’s what I take the most pride in. I may dothings wrong but its me. I’m not following anyone or trying to be someones anything or something. I am me. Take it or leave it. You stay or you go. Back to bonds: my father, lovehim but I don’t feel like ivelearned much. I needmore time with him. He loves me and I lovehim. That’s kindof the end of it. If my mother left me anything its my father, my soul and my positiveness. Truth is I was loved so much on earth and in heaven I know my lifewont be shit. But I need to find the path. My sisters, my bond is hopeful but I can’t take it anymore what closed minded, social climbers..fake. But to the three people who read this blog I didn’t say that bc at the end of the day I guess ilove them. I love every shittalking word out of their mouths. To who never has my back and the first to push. Cheers whores! Bonds withfriends. My boys now I would kick there ass or die trying with them bc I love to just have fun and reach there whoa she is strong for a girl quota haha. They all surf better then me and skate! U dicks!! I never broke anything b4 hopefully never will so real tough shit I need a drink for ha. To my girls, love em. All three of you! Thanksfor being real. I never thought it possible. To Shay, jordan and sammy! Till death bitches. Don’t let me stray!! Ok I feel better rant is over.

to vent

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:25:58 +0000

and not have to pay the rent

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:25:24 +0000

fucking karma!

i never meant to break any hearts but i must of done it once or twice because i always end up loving someone or lusting and most the time i do feel this i leave with a broken heart..

i need god to send me goodness

all i have are my friends.

my two fucking girlfriends and cousin.

ughhh fuck love! i dont believe it to matter as much as i am letting it

let me love my new book more,

or a wave i surfed,

why does soo much exist in my life and on my off time i think of this

but then feel boogled when i dont have enough free time??hahah ohh god

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:21:42 +0000

i hate you because i have to chase you

but i say i hate the games..

i hate you because i want to love you everyday

and i never feel that way.

but if i was to have you this week i might not want you the next..

that could be true but what is a risk to mean?

am i worth it? am i worth a risk?

can reality ever just be a dream?

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 21:20:03 +0000

can i wake up in a cool room covered in my comforter and feel this way all day?

will i ever met a man and feel that instant love?

can i forget the smell of her perfume? or will i ever remember it?

can i forget his name? and all my bad actions?

one day will i just learn to understand it will only be just ok..

that dreams are not reality.

but what reality can i exist in if i never get to dream

i need to stop this!

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:39:47 +0000

i cant deal with emotions

im to much of a lover.

i need love!!

i cant fake it.

ughhh thank god for my best friend

phops — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:38:16 +0000

heart broken and confused over an asshole..

he is leaving and i am staying.

i get it.

but why be a selfish asshole.

i guess i shouldnt waste anymore time..

and just like my girl said, nothing i do will matter.

but my stupid young mind still allows this.